I woke up feeling strange, with a sorta buzzy feeling going on in the back of my head. I knew what the buzzy feeling was but it couldn’t be that since I wasn’t thinkin’ of him.
I rubbed my eyes and looked around the dark room. My sisters were sound asleep, Kaylee on the bottom and River on the top. It was really dark in the room and I realized it was still dark outside. Not morning yet.
I sat up, that buzzy feeling not goin’ away but I felt something else, something warm downthere and I knew what had happened. Oh! I felt my face go as red as a tomato and I wanted to cry. I hadn’t done anything like this for years! Maybe I had a nightmare?
That buzzy feeling flickered around as I yanked my sheets off my bed and dragged them to the laundry room which was more of just a tiny little space recently built upstairs, makin’ the nursery smaller since we only had one baby now. Glad that the washer’n’dryer were up here now, since my maternal daddy got real tired going downstairs. All the laundry was pretty much up here so it made sense. My daddies also built a room for my maternal daddy, for his writing.
I turned on the light and began shoving my sheets into the washer and as I did I saw it wasn’t what I thought it was. It was blood. Blood? I quickly looked down at myself and saw it was blood, all over me.
Now, I’m not normally one for panic but this one really scared me. And that buzzy feeling in my brain was getting stronger and stronger until it hit me, hard. I staggered under the force of it and all the emotion.
Why was I feeling this way? I rubbed the back of my head for a moment then sank down to the floor, trying not to cry. I had some unknown wound and now I was feeling a way I shouldn’t, since I only felt the feelings when I thought about it, and I wasn’t thinking about it. The feelings were being felt without me thinking.
I looked up and saw my maternal daddy standing in the doorway, looking down at me. I drew myself back, not wanting him to see the blood. “Hi Mom,” I whispered, folding my arms over my lap. “I spilled pop on my sheet…” The lie came quick and easy. Like lies always did. I knew how to lie now, since I first realized how to tell when other people lied.
He smiled and looked at the washer which was still open and not going. I wanted to run over and close it but he was there first, dumping in the detergent and turning it on. I tried not to sigh with relief since he hadn’t seen. “I told you kids not to take coke into your rooms at night,” he said, turning again to look at me. “You okay, hun?”
“Fine!” I said brightly, urging him to go. The buzzy feeling in my head burst like a firecracker and I had to bite my bottom lip from screaming. Mom blinked several times and took a few steps to the door. Yes, I thought. Keep going, go back to bed!
“Serenity…” He hesitated, looking at me very strangely now. “Why are you on the floor?”
“Waiting for my sheets,” I replied, smiling. Go, go, go! And he went. Feeling confused. I knew he was confused cause I could feel it too. That buzzy feeling in my head spreading out in the confused sleepy manner that my maternal daddy felt.
Why? I leaned over and shut the door, giving me a bit of privacy. Except it wasn’t any privacy, cause of that buzzy feeling that was my mom. In the back of my head. I began rubbing my forehead, trying to get rid of the feeling but it wasn’t going away.
A year ago I realized how I could feel stuff, feel what others were feeling. Mom blatantly lied to me and I realized I could tell he was lyin’ to me and slowly I began figuring out I could feel what other people were feelin’. Then when Mom disappeared… I remembered it clearly.
Mom went missing and the police were everywhere and then I found out that my daddy wasn’t really my daddy. I was eleven and heard him say that two of the kids belonged to an evil man. I may not have great grades in school, but I’m not stupid. I knew it had to be the two oldest. Me and Duncan.
Not human, that’s what the policeman said. My birth father was not human. I went around for days thinking that I wasn’t human either until my dad talked to me. It wasn’t his words that got to me but how he felt. Fierce, determined. And the love. Didn’t matter to him who or what my birth father was.
That’s when I first discovered how me and my maternal father was. The connection. I concentrated hard, and could feel him. It took hours pouring over maps and concentrating so hard that I almost blacked out many times before I could pinpoint where I was getting that feeling from. But along with finding him was also feeling how he felt.
His fear, his hurt, his depression. All cause of my birth father. I couldn’t tell my dad about that, so I tried to pretend I didn’t write the note (but I knew my parents never believed that lie of mine). And when Mom was home and safe, I tried cutting off my powers. I just knew where I got these stupid powers, so I stopped them up–and it worked.
I sat in the laundry room, trying to block my mom’s feelings out. He was standing in the hall, very confused and then I realized what had happened. That monster could make people feel stuff. I drew my legs up against my chest wanting to cry now. I had made my mom feel like he wanted to leave, and he did leave. I was just like the monster. Blood from no where proved that.
I’m a monster.
I didn’t go to school in the morning, making all my siblings jealous. But my daddies accepted my lie that I was feeling sick and after my paternal dad went to work and my maternal dad went to his office to write, I crawled out of bed and went to get yet another shower cause there was some more blood.
I knew I needed to talk to someone but I couldn’t talk to my daddies since the blood was downthere. So I did the only thing I could think of and called my aunt. I took the portable phone and hid out in the downstairs bathroom. I knew Mom was upstairs clackin’ away on his computer but I wanted to have that shut door between me’n the stairs.
“Aunt Vi?” I whispered when she answered. “Can I talk to you about something…?” I was scared to tell her because what if it did mean I was a monster? And that stupid buzzy feeling was still in my head from Mom and now I was also gettin’ a buzzy feeling from my aunt, though not as strong. I was always more connected with my mom than anyone else.
But it took more to notice how other people felt and my aunt’s feelings were sliding into my brain like it fit like a puzzle piece. She was a bit worried and kinda nervous, but not as nervous as me. “What’s wrong?” she asked, sounding cool and calm but I knew otherwise.
I rubbed my head, the buzzy feeling getting worse. “I have a problem and I dunno what to do…” I looked up in the mirror, frowning at my reflection. “I–I woke up last night,” I mumbled, turning away from the mirror since I was too embarrassed to even look at my own reflection as I talked about this. “There was something…” Okay, Serenity, just tell her cause you can’t tell your dads! “Some… blood…”
“Oh Serenity!” she exclaimed right away and I could feel her worry and nervousness being replaced by joy and excitement. I pulled the phone back and stared at it. Why would anyone on earth be all excited and happy about blood? Then I realized she was still talking so I put the phone back to my ear. “–ppens to every girl and there is no need to worry. I’ll be over right away, okay?”
“Um, no,” I mumbled. “My mom–“
“Sweetheart, you say one word to your mom about this and he’ll go all green and run away. Trust me. He’ll wind up calling me anyway, or your Aunt Julie. So I’ll be over to help right now. Okay?”
There was nothing I could do. I felt trapped, so all I did was mumble in reply and then hang up the phone. This was getting out of hand!
Okay, so I wasn’t a monster. I was a woman. That was just plain weird! And totally gross. When Duncan went through puberty all he had to deal with was sounding like a chipmunk for a while. I go through puberty and I have to–I have to–
“Serenity?” Aunt Vi reached over for me as I grabbed my head. The buzzy feeling was getting worse and worse. It was like someone was slowly turnin’ up the volume on a TV only instead of sound it was feeling what others were feeling. 5, 6, 7–Dad was in the other room, anxious about what was going on with me an’ Aunt Vi and also a bit wistful cause his baby girl was growin’ up.
It got louder. 10, 11, 15, 20. Aunt Vi was both excited and sad as well, and I felt a bit of nostalgia and somethin’ under that, sort of a lovey feeling that I could tell was for her own baby girl, my cousin Estelle who was a couple years behind me.
15, 35, 50. Everything was pouring into me like a waterfall. I could feel on the fringes my neighbors, and somewhere in the back of mind where my maternal daddy was buzzing around was also someone else–my grandmother, I knew it was her.
“Serenity…? Sebastian!” Aunt Vi was yelling and fear and concern washed over me like a flood as I fell to the floor, clutching my head. Someone else was screamin’ and soon I realized it was me screamin’.
“Makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop!” I wailed, pawing at my own head to make the feelings stop but they wouldn’t stop they kept getting worse and worse until everything went black.