So this chapter is pg13, just warning. Don’t worry. Nothing too bad. I hope.
Specter’s lips were hard against mine and he held me so tight I nearly went all non-solid but I managed not to, as shocked as I was cause I was shocked, I was super shocked. I knew Specter was beginning to at least tolerate me but I was really not expecting this much tolerance! In fact I wasn’t even sure this was happening. Was the guy who had constantly been threatening to kill me now kissing me? He was. He was kissing me a lot. And really good. In fact… really, really good.
I began melting against him, eyes closed, really enjoying this kiss. Reeeeeaaaallly enjoying the kiss. But then it was over. I felt all breathless and more buzzier than I ever felt with William after a kiss. But Specter’s eyes were all dark and a bit… angry. Oh no…
Specter swore as he backed away from me, his hand over his mouth. “What the hell… what the hell.” I just stared, all foggy and weird. I had nothing to say cause of the surprise and… buzzy feeling… buzzy, happy, warm, tingly feeling. I wanted him to kiss me again. I really hoped he would. But his hand was on his mouth and he was cussing behind his fingers before he gave me a fierce glare that I knew meant he blamed me for what just happened. But all I had done was bake him a cake and the cake didn’t even really look that good.
“Why did you do that?” he forced out. Before I could protest he had been the one to kiss me, he waved a hand at the cake. “Why did you–make me that? I hate you!”
“But… I don’t hate you…” I looked down at the cake and saw how disgusting it really looked. One side was much lower than the other and the frosting had cake crumbs mixed in with it, all over the place… and some spots had no frosting on it at all. And it smelled burned. Oh how could I ever think this was a good idea? I had spent a long time making it, being super careful to make sure I actually didn’t touch anything, following the recipe on the box of cocoa mix very carefully. “I’m s-sorry. I’ll just… throw it out.” I reached for the platter but Specter grabbed my wrists.
I looked up as he yanked me close and then we were kissing again. He held me even closer this time, so tight I really considered making part of me not-solid but I ultimately decided not to and just kissed him. My head tipped backward and soon I felt his tongue in my mouth. I felt kind’ve zappy, almost as if I had that cleansing stuff being dumped all over my insides. My body began to feel super strange, like it was going to just burst completely. I felt a prickling feeling all over with teensy little holes in every spot of my body which allowed the world to go rushing into me, it felt like the world rushing into me and all the stars exploding behind my closed lids. I held on to Specter because as he kissed me with his tongue in my mouth I really felt like I was going to drop to the floor.
Specter’s hands moved along my body, grabbing my butt. I was shocked once again. My… relationship before… William had rarely touched anywhere below my waist. But Specter had his hands cupped around my cheeks, holding me close to him that way. His beard rubbed against my skin in a way that made the explosive-y feeling inside me go all more explosive-y. His hands jerked and I realized slowly what he wanted me to do. I floated a bit and he was holding me up off the ground. He continued kissing me, continued exploring my mouth with his tongue as he carried me into the bedroom and dropped me on the bed, falling on top of me. My arms went around him and the universe just… drifted away. Reality drifted away. It was the most amazing, su… sur… surreal feeling I think I ever felt. I loved it… and was unhappy when he pulled away.
He was propped up on one arm over me and we just stared at one another for the longest time. I could see how confused he was, and knew I needed to say something. So I said, “How are you going to disinfect your tongue?”
I regretted it for a split-second but he was laughing, rolling away from me so he was on his back beside me. Laughing. Laughing a lot. “Oh Watcher,” he finally gasped out, head turning to look at me. “I don’t know. I don’t think it can even be ingested.”
There was a moment of silence and then Specter said in a smirky way, “That means eaten.”
“I know that.” Although I didn’t, not really. “You’re a good kisser.”
He groaned and smacked his face, his fingers digging into his skin. “How can you do this to me?”
“The… kissing? Cause you kissed me.”
“I hate ghosts.”
“That didn’t feel hate-y.”
“It–we–it’s not–… no.”
“Do you hate me?”
Silence, which made me feel awful, simply awful. But then Specter was propping himself up so his face was close to mine. “I don’t know, ghost. I don’t freaking know. I hate ghosts. I hate ghosts. But…”
I could see how much war was going on inside his head and I had the most brilliant, bright, BESTEST idea ever. I jerked up so I was kneeling, hands pressed together. “WAIT!” I shrieked and he reeled back, eyes big. “I know the loophole!”
“Loop…? Loophole? In what?”
“I’m not a normal ghost!” I grinned so much at him my cheeks hurt. “Maybe that’s why you don’t really hate me! Cause you keep saying so much I’m not a regular ghost, and I’m not a regular ghost, so me not being a regular ghost is a loophole so you don’t have to hate me!” I kept beaming, feeling SO proud of myself.
Specter began laughing again. “Watcher, oh Watcher. Who knows. Maybe you’re right.” He flopped back, rubbing his face again. “I don’t know.” I studied him closely, wishing I could do more to reassure him. I really hoped he’d… he’d like me. I mean, we had sex (he kept insisting we hadn’t but as strange as it was, I knew we had–we had slept together. Quite by accident. But still.) and now we had kissed, and I realized I kinda liked him. It wasn’t just the beard. Okay, so part of it was the beard but there was something in his gruff, grouchy personality that was cute.
I had been trying to crack him. I knew I was wearing him down. He stopped cussing at me, at least. Well… once he stopped cussing at me. Actually that might’ve been because… oh, he had been asleep at the time. Never mind. He had gone grocery shopping for me. And bought me a game. Surely that meant something. Okay so he had thrown the game at me and grumbled for an hour about it, but still. In any case I had planned on cooking him a meal but when I saw that birthday stuff outside the door I had hoped this would do it and I suppose it had, he had kissed me after all. But now I wasn’t completely sure. He was laughing and glaring and kissing and grumbling and I just didn’t know what.
“I have no interest in you, ghost.”
Then there was those words. I avoided looking at him and just sat back, studying my hands. “Oh, ok… um… I s-see.” I felt his fingers brush against me as he grabbed my shirt, yanking me close to kiss me again. I just kissed back really not knowing what else to do, and then when we pulled away I frowned. “I thought… you didn’t…”
“I don’t,” he said with sent even more waves of confusion through me. “Let’s just call it… friends with benefits.”
“Oh. Um. Okay.” I squirmed slightly then smiled. “What sort of benefits?”
“Oh Watcher, you can’t be–” He stopped himself then rolled off the bed, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot, a complete–haven’t you ever…? Oh never mind. Just–we’ll… okay.” He let out a breath. “Look. I have zero interest in you. R–romantic interest, I mean.”
“Oh. So, uh, you… don’t want to be boyfriends?”
“No!” he snarled. “You’re a ghost! An abnormal ghost but a ghost. And I–am not interested in a ghost.”
I got off the bed, on the other side. “Then why did you kiss me?”
“Because! You… you…” He tugged at his hair and beard in apparent frustration. “I don’t know. Just forget about. Just freaking forget it.” He stomped past me towards the door and I remained quiet even though I wanted to say something. Forget about it? Such an amazing kiss? How was I supposed to forget about it and pretend it never happened? I followed him into the main room, watching as he got some plates and forks out. I don’t want to just forget about it, I thought miserably. I had liked it so much. Did I like him? I felt… there was something about him I did like. And he was very good-looking. I think I wanted to… but he didn’t.
He cut the cake and plopped a slice down on one of the plates. “If you want a slice too, that’s fine.” I remained silent and Specter scowled. “Do you want one?”
“I want…” I floated a bit closer, feeling very awkward and embarrassed. I looked down at the floor as I said, “I want to kiss you again.”
He made a strange, throaty sound and I heard the sound of a fork or something clattering to the floor. “N–no. We’re not… I’m not… you’re not… No. It’s not happening. It was a moment of delirium. In fact, I believe I have a fever. I was completely out of my mind to–to do that. So just forget it. You’re a ghost, I’m a ghost hunter. The lion most definitely not does lay down with the lamb in this case.”
“But we had se–“
“WE DID NOT HAVE SEX!” I looked up and gulped, seeing how enraged he was. He was holding the knife still, pointing the blade at me. “You are completely insane. Where–HOW did you EVER get it into your brain that we–did it?”
“Because we did,” I protested. “We slept together!”
“WHEN?! I haven’t been drunk or unconscious or anything? So tell me, you stupid ghost, when did we act out this crazy fantasy of yours.”
“It wasn’t a fantasy of mine!” I folded my arms, trying hard to look angry. “I hadn’t really thought anything like that about you until after. You’re the one who invited me into your bed. When I was having the really bad dreams. You got mad at me and told me to sleep on the other side of the bed.”
He gripped the knife so hard his knuckles went really pale. “And when did we have sex?” he demanded through gritted teeth.
“I just told you!”
“We… did… not. You–I–we both just fell asleep and when I woke up… it certainly wasn’t anything to do with–with THAT!”
Now I was extremely confused, not knowing what he was talking about. “But… what? I’m sorry but I don’t understand what you mean.”
I really think at that moment he wanted to truly kill me. “Did you happen to die at a mental institute or something?” His voice was really strained and I could see he looked ready to destroy something.
“I’m sorry but I just can’t understand why you’re demanding we didn’t sleep together when you just admitted we did!” I was frustrated as well though not at the same level he was. In fact, what I just said seemed to just make his anger level go even higher.
“WHAT?! I DID NOT ADMIT TO–” Then he stopped, his grip on the knife loosening to the point of almost dropping it. “–to… sleeping… together?” he finished in a strange tone.
“You did admit it, you said we fell asleep and–“
“Wait. Just hold on one minute.” He waved the knife at my face. “Sleeping. Sleeping. Sleeping is the operative word here, ghost. SLEEPING!”
“But–yes. That–that’s what–that’s–sex.”
“Sleeping… is… different… from… sex.” He spoke slowly and in a very, very forced, angry manner. “Oh. Watcher. You–don’t even know what sex it. You think sleeping in the same bed is…? Oh Watcher you… how did you even survive to live to be eighteen?!”
“I’ve been a ghost all my life and I KNOW what sex is, and sleeping together is sex!”
“Sleeping together is just a phrase that can mean sex! Sleep–oh freaking Grim Reaper just freaking take me now.” He slammed the knife down. “Ok. Listen carefully. Phrases… don’t always mean… what they–ugh. Okay. Sleeping together… can mean two very, very, very different things. It can mean sleeping, as in asleep, as in falling asleep, in the same place. Or it can mean sex. Sleeping in the same place is NOT sex.”
I hunched my shoulders forward, trying to understand what the heck he was talking about. My head was feeling kinda achy. “I know it’s not… real sex. Like… what men and women do together. But… it’s pretty much… sex for guys.”
“Excuse me, what?”
“Well, guys can’t have real sex together, so–” I stopped since he was laughing hard. “What?” I demanded, sticking my lower lip out.
“Yes, they can.”
“No they can’t. They don’t have the right parts.”
“Yes they can you freaking idiot!”
A few seconds ticked by and I waited until he deflated just a bit–hoping his anger would go away a little bit–then said, “Nope.”
He gave a strangled, growling scream at that. I found myself being grabbed and pressed against the wall, Specter’s face in mine. “What, you want me to prove it to you, ghost?” he hissed. My eyes got real big at that, I’m sure. Prove… sex…? It was a very good thing I didn’t need to breathe cause I certainly couldn’t at that. Didn’t we already…? Or was I wrong? Was sleeping together like that very different from–I knew it was different. But I thought only men and women could do that together. Men didn’t have the right parts to do that together… did they? I just stared silently into Specter’s eyes and suddenly he was going red, releasing my arms. “Ahhhh… f-forget it.”
Everything seemed very awkward now and I could see he was feeling that way. But I just stayed silent. I was still too confused about what he had told me. Two guys couldn’t… not really… could they…? I wanted to ask how but I had the feeling if I asked he’d just stomp off and ignore me. I couldn’t ask him. But I wanted to know. Push his buttons, I thought. If he got angry enough he might say. “No they can’t,” I whispered just as he stepped away from me.
I went not-solid since I was a bit afraid he was going to hit me, but he just punched the wall near me. “What is wrong with you?!” he snapped. “Seriously?! What the hell is wrong with you? Guys–guys–“
“They can’t, not really.”
Maybe pushing his buttons wasn’t right because he tried grabbing me. “You have got to be the STUPIDEST most IRRITATING and IDIOTIC being I have EVER met in my entire LIFE! And that is saying something!”
“I’m s-sorry… I j-just… guys don’t have the right p-parts… Mr. Specter, sir…”
I was about to give up but for some reason what I had said sparked a reaction in him. His hands went on either side of my head and if I were solid, I’d be pinned. I sorta was since I couldn’t go backwards but I could go forward through him–not that I did. And then he said, “Go solid.”
I swallowed and obeyed, too scared not to. I had no idea what he was going to do but all he did was kiss me. I closed my eyes and happily kissed back, surprised only a bit when he grabbed hold of my behind again. After a moment I was picked up and taken to the bedroom but this time when he threw me on the bed, he stood over me. “You really want to know, ghost?” he asked, not angrily but… something… I couldn’t quite identify. His tone made tingles go all over my body and I felt all floaty. I couldn’t speak, knowing vaguely that something good was about to happen, so I just gave a tiny nod. Specter didn’t take his eyes off of me as he removed his clothes. “Very well.”
The words themselves sounded like it was just a job but the tone… oh that tone of voice made me go all tingly and excited. When he slid on top of me I felt like my body was just going to pop like a balloon. He began kissing at my neck, fingers rubbing against my belly, making me feel sick. I had to be sick. My body felt so weird and wrong. I began making sounds, unable to stop. I almost felt like… I was being wound up tight like a rubber band or something and any second now the… whatever it was that made it all tight and together was going to give out. When he asked me to get out of my clothes I did immediately and when I did, he–well I certainly had never in a million years thought…
And then he…
Okay. So I had been wrong. Guys could.
I was in a sleepy, happy, completely different state of being–so utterly different than anything I had ever experienced before. Right after something I had never experienced before. It had been wonderful and so weird but so terrific. Several times I had nearly gone not-solid but managed not to. And stuff happened that just was weird and new to me. But it had felt so… extremely… amazing. I had never felt so… aware of things. I was feeling so much that I wondered–I really wondered–if it was like it’d be if I was alive. Maybe that’s what I felt. I felt alive.
Specter seemed to enjoy it too though he didn’t say much. But I knew he liked it because–well, after the first time he… well… there had been a second. If he didn’t like it, he would have stopped after the first time he had, and we wouldn’t have been like that for almost an hour. Would we have…?
I looked over as he came back into the bedroom carrying two plates with cake. He sat down, still naked and sweaty (though he had cleaned off my ghostly… ummmm…. stuff.). “I hope the cake is okay,” I said, sitting up and taking one of the plates.
“Hmph.” He bit into it and I waited for some response but all I got was another, “Hmph.”
“Is it good?” I asked after he took another bite.
“Why do you talk so much?”
“Oh! Um. I–I’m sorry.” I began eating and wasn’t sure if it tasted good or not. We were both quiet for some time and then I couldn’t stand it another second. “So we had sex.”
Specter shot a glare at me. “Yes.”
“I liked it.” His face reddened and he shoved more cake into his mouth. “Um. I’m s-sorry… about all the, um, confusion before. I didn’t know… I just thought… sleeping together was–and… I just didn’t… I’m sorry.” I poked at the cake then felt curious. “Did you….?”
“Did I what?”
I poked more at the cake, feeling tingly again. “I like you.”
I scraped some frosting off the plate and stuck the fork in my mouth. “Are we boyfriends now that we really had sex?”
“I told you, I have no romantic interest in you.”
“Oh. So… you d-didn’t like it…”
“I–” He sucked in some air, nostrils flaring. “I liked it. Mainly cause it seems to be the best way to stop you from talking. Watcher. You don’t have to have romantic interest in someone to have sex with them.”
“Oh. I just thought… oh.” I thought about his words and felt kinda said and in pain at the thought of him not liking me, but then I smiled. “So–um, since you liked it–will we…? Again? Sometime?”
He ducked his head down and now it was him poking at the cake. “I don’t know. Why do you have to be so… gggggrrrrhrhrhghghg… Look. Friends with benefits. All right? Except we’re not friends.”
“Ok!” My smile broadened into a grin. “So the benefits thing is sex.”
“It–” He groaned and then shrugged. “Yes. Physical contact. With no romantic attachment involved. None whatsoever. Got it?”
“Mhm. Can I still like you?”
“I really don’t care.”
“Good.” I ate the rest of the slice of the cake, feeling pretty cheerful. Cause I did like Specter for some reason, I wasn’t exactly sure why. I know he didn’t like me and although that made me feel sad, I knew he didn’t hate me because if he hated me he wouldn’t wanna be not-really-friends with benefits. Plus I still didn’t quite believe him that you could have sex without any sort of romantic feeling at all, it was such a personal thing. Maybe he just didn’t want to admit it quite yet cause of the whole predator/prey thing. “So, uh, does this mean you won’t be sending me in to be experimented on?”
He was quiet then shook his head. “No. You can just… stay here.” I put the plate down, feeling like I shouldn’t do this because I didn’t know how he’d feel but I scooted closer to him until he looked at me and then I kissed him. Very quick.
I pulled away, beaming. “Thank you.”
He just stared back at me, looking kinda confused for a moment until he turned his head away and I could no longer see into his eyes. “Whatever.”